Certificate of
Linguistic Death

✠ filed in perpetuity ✠

⸻ Phrase of Record ⸻

“dead”

Still broadly in use.

ALIVE

⸻ Status of Decedent ⸻

Alive

⸻ Peak Era ⸻

2010s

⸻ Cause of Death ⸻

Alive, which is a problem this office would rather not discuss.

⸻ Confidence of Autopsy ⸻

66%

⸻ Meaning ⸻

Overcome with laughter.

⸻ Modern Translation ⸻

“Dead.”

Survived by cooked. Preceded in death by i can't even.

✠ cast your mark ✠

Pay your respects, dispute the autopsy, or testify that the deceased is, in fact, alive.

Each session may add one of each mark. The coroner reads all of them.

☈ sightings ☈

A phrase can be dead nationally and alive on one street. Put a pin in the map.

No sightings recorded. Where do you say this?

report a sighting

⚖ right of appeal ⚖

A verdict is a first opinion. If this one is wrong, say so, and say why.

✎ witness statements ✎

Votes count the crowd. This is where one person gets to say what they actually remember.

Nobody has been blamed yet.

one accusation each · no names, only categories

No one has testified yet.

⸻ send a eulogy ⸻

Paste it into the group chat. The recipient can vote, dispute, or revive directly from the link.